There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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