You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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