It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
She even gives head with a lisp.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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