Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
