i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
