I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
