I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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