When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize