We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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