My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
