totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I am naked and annoyed.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
