new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
