guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
