Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
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