Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Your dad touched me again.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
