You just made me feel so damn special
your room smells of hookers.
And success
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
