I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
he fucked my hip out of place.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
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