so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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