dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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