after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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