I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
