I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
