covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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