im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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