He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
