...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
