look no pants
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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