I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
