I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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