I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
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