hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
