just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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