Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
