youre lurking in front of me
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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