you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
