Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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