my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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