I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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