Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
