its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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