if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Randomize
