She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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