My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
My vagina is very pro this idea
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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