***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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