i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
