i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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