Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
being pregnant is like rehab
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
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