butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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