my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
