i barfeds in our rink
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
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I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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