after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
