Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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