I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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