i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Two words: blizzard sex
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
