i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Randomize
