News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
