is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I'm too high and old for this...
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
