Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
