WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
