I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize