mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
