White coat. Heels.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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